Comments on: How Much Input Should Extended Family Have in Adoption?

By: carla

carla — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 05:15:44 +0000

I think that extended family needs to be considered. That doesn’t mean that if they won’t like a decision about your adoption that you are thinking about making that you don’t make that decision. It just means you are aware of the effect it will have on the family dynamic and are willing to live with it.

I saw a another great article on how/when to announce your adoption decision. http://www.threeyellowroses.com/2009/02/21/announcing-your-adoption-decision/

The same website also had a good article for what information to give your family and friends about the birthparents.
http://www.threeyellowroses.com/2009/01/25/censoring-after-the-call/

Thanks for the article,
Carla

By: Chromesthesia

Chromesthesia — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 04:21:12 +0000

I don't think they should have any at all. I don't think I'd allow any of them to
inherit my child (inherit sounds weird) if something should happen to me. They are too punative and have issues that need to be addressed.
it sounds kind of impolite, but it's true.
When I am ready to adopt it will be my decision and their views won't come into it.

The sad thing is I haven't been to a family event since 2009. I don't know if it's because my aunt stopped having thanksgivings, or my grandmother is gone or what and I haven't heard from many on my mother's side enough.

By: John

John — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 18:33:13 +0000

Feny, you bring up a huge consideration for single adoptors, who will take over if the adoptive parent dies? Like you, I designated a family member, and later realized that they would see that as a real burden. Not what my kids would need, they have issues that aren’t going to go away just because the new gurardian finds them bothersome. A good friend steped forward and volenteered to be the guardian, what a lucky break. We have similar ideas about parenting and kids. I think this is the stickiest problem in single parent adoption. John PS I do watch out for busses.

By: fenyimom

fenyimom — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:35:32 +0000

I used to think that the extended family shouldn’t have any say. I adopted my kids against the wishes of most of my siblings, as a single parent. One sibling was ok with it, and he and his wife are designated in my will as guardians. But now I’m thinking more about what he, or any other guardian I had designated, would have to go through if I died. My kids will be covered financially, but they need a lot of medical treatment. It is hard and time consuming for me to make sure they get that treatment. Am I putting too much of a burden on the guardian? I just keep my fingers crossed that I don’t get run over by a bus and have to put this burden on someone who didn’t ask for it.

By: Ron and Jessica

Ron and Jessica — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 15:23:24 +0000

I don’t think that your extended family should have any say. That being said, it is important to take in to account their prejudices.
I was struggling with our preference checklist and whether or not to check that we would accept an African American or Partially African baby. I called a family member to tell them we were trying to adopt and the first comment was “Oh. Are you going to get a little black baby? That would be funny because you are so white!”
So I didn’t actually let this family member have input but the response told me that if I adopted a childe of african american ethnicity it would always be a joke or a novelty with my family. I don’t want my child to be a joke…….