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After months or years of trying for a child and struggling with infertility, you may have come to the conclusion that adoption may be the best way to fulfill your dreams of parenthood. Having been through so much all ready, you need to prepare yourself for the journey ahead of you and have realistic expectations of what the process will entail.
Steps:
1. Ask yourself if you are ready to adopt.
While it is normal to have some feelings of disappointment and loss when coming to terms with infertility, you want to be able to move forward in a positive and constructive manner when starting the adoption process. It may be difficult to focus 100% of your efforts on the process if you have lingering frustration, sadness or anger over your infertility experience. Work through these emotions before starting the process and encourage your spouse to do the same.
Not only are there emotional scars that can arise from infertility treatment, the tests, procedures and stress involved can take their toll as well. Be honest about where you are physically and emotionally and only take the first step towards your adoption journey when you are certain you are really ready.
2. Take into consideration the fact that your life will once again be under the microscope of professionals.
Adoption is ultimately a rewarding process, but you will have to face some of the same obstacles you had to deal with during infertility treatment. Your quest to have a child has involved many professionals along the way. Doctors and other medical professionals have played an active role during your infertility treatment and now social workers and adoption professionals will do the same. If you are ready to jump into the adoption process, be sure that you are able to (once again) deal with having many aspects of your life scrutinized by others.
Social workers and other adoption professionals oversee and are involved with the adoption process for the best interest of the children and to assist you in achieving your dream of adopting. It is important to take this into consideration when working with these professionals. They will need to know a lot of information about your personal life and in some instances will need to delve into your finances and medical histories as well. You will also likely be asked to provide a snapshot of your life to your social worker in the form of an autobiography (verbal, written or both) and/or a photo album. Your social worker may also need to visit your home to ensure it is safe and secure for a child.
While it may be frustrating to have so much outside involvement in your quest to become a parent, you need to realize that ultimately they are there to help you and can be a valuable resource throughout the adoption process.
3. Get ready to wait again.
Once you have decided that adoption is the right path for you, prepare for the (sometimes long) road ahead. Like infertility treatment, it can be a lengthy process; it is important to accept the fact that you are going to be going through a similar wait yet again. There are no guarantees as to how long it can take to adopt. While the wait times do vary from program to program, no program is a quick one and each program is subject to delays and speedups.
You can get a general idea of the wait times by checking into the adoption options available (domestic, international and foster to adopt) ahead of time. Even though there is a wait involved, don’t be discouraged just be prepared. There is a light at the end of the tunnel when you choose adoption; your dream of becoming a parent lies ahead. Work your way through the process and “keep your eye on the prize.”
4. Figure out how you plan to pay for an adoption.
Infertility treatment can be costly so if your resources are running low be sure to figure out how you intend to pay for an adoption ahead of time. There are varying costs from program to program and you should be realistic in choosing a program that is within your budget. Savings, home equity loans, conventional loans, adoption grants and employer grants/reimbursements are just a few ways to find the money to pursue an adoption.
5. Make an adoption plan.
It is important to sit down and consider what types of adoption you are open to. There are three types of adoption: Domestic, International and Fostering to Adopt. Factors such as a child’s race, culture, age, background and health can all weigh into your decision. Deciding what type of child you are open to adopting is an important first step.
6. Learn the requirements for adopting.
There are requirements that have to be met when adopting and each program has a different set of requirements. Finding the program that is right for you involves learning which programs you are eligible to participate in. You can learn more about adoption requirements at Adoption.com.
7. Share your interest in adoption with friends and family.
Oftentimes friends and family have first hand knowledge about adoption. You may find them to be an excellent resource for information, ideas and most importantly support throughout the adoption process.
8. Contact adoption agencies that are licensed to place children in your state.
You can find a complete listing of licensed adoption agencies placing children in your state on The Adoption Directory.
Select an agency that offers the type of adoption services that you are interested in and contact the adoption coordinator. They are there to answer your questions and guide you in the right direction. Speaking with a representative from an adoption agency will help you learn about the process as well as establish a rapport with an agency.
Don’t hesitate to contact more than one agency during the initial phase of your adoption journey. Speaking with more than one agency will give you the opportunity to find the one you are most comfortable working with.
9. Attend an adoption seminar or informational meeting.
Many adoption agencies offer seminars or informational meetings where you can learn about the adoption process and what services the agency provides. Ask an adoption agency representative for a seminar or meeting schedule.
10. Learn more about adoption by visiting your local library or bookstore.
There are numerous books and periodicals available on all aspects of adoption. There are books written by adoptive parents, birth parents, adoptees, social workers and other adoption experts that cover a wide range of adoption topics.
11. Conduct online research.
The World Wide Web offers a wealth of information at your fingertips. Adoption information websites such as Adoption.com and adoption agency websites can answer many of your initial adoption questions and help you to explore all aspects of the adoption process. There are many educational articles on the web that can help educate you about adoption. For more information, check out “Getting Started with Adoption” at Adoption.com.
12. Join an adoption support group or adoption forum.
There are numerous adoption support groups throughout the country. To find an adoption support group in your area, turn to your local Yellow Pages.
There is also support available on the World Wide Web. Many adoption information sites and adoption agency websites also offer adoption forums that put you in touch with other families who are in the process of adopting. These “chat rooms” are a great way to learn about the adoption process and the issues that you will be facing. Many families are eager to share their experiences and suggestions and would welcome your questions and comments. Adoption.com offers numerous adoption forums to find the forum that is right for you.
Tips:
- Don’t overestimate your ability to deal with stress. If you are burned out from infertility treatment, take some time to yourself before starting the adoption process.
- Adoption is a lifelong learning experience. Taking the initiative to educate yourself about adoption will benefit both you and your adopted child. Learning about adoption and the adoption process will also help you to make better informed decisions throughout the process.
- Adoption classes are available. There are classes on numerous adoption related topics that take place both in the classroom and on the web. Classes can be taken at any point during your adoption journey. During the home study process you may be asked to enroll in an adoption course.
Related Links:
• Requirements to adopt
• National Adoption Agency Directory
• “Getting Started with Adoption”
• Adoption.com forums
Author: Mandy Starr
© Adoption Media, LLC
