Building healthy relationships between your child and his or her family members starts with early involvement. Take the time to include your family members in your adoption plans to better prepare them (and you) for the adjustment of a new addition to the family. Continue to encourage them to stay connected through interaction with the child once he or she arrives home.

Steps:

1. Inform your family members about your adoption plans during the early stages of the adoption process.

Once you make the decision to pursue an adoption, inform your family member of your plans. During your initial conversations you could share details about your adoption agency, how you arrived at your decision to adopt and how long the process typically takes. While you may not know all of the details about the child you will be referred, you can share what you do know such as the country or state where the child will be coming from.

2. Address any questions or concerns that family members may have about your adoption plans.

The reactions you receive from family members may surprise you, some may be excited, while others may have their misgivings. Be prepared for a range of reactions and questions. Take the time to educate your family members about adoption and answer the questions and concerns that they might have. You can learn more about common family member reactions by checking out Adoption.com's article, "The Announcement."

3. Once a match has been made and you have accepted the referral of a child share the news with your family members.

You will receive a call letting you know that you have been matched with a child. In your referral packet you will learn your child’s birthday, sex, medical information and a bit of history on the child. Share the wonderful news of your referral with your family members and tell them some of the exciting details you have learned about your child.

4. Share your child's updates and pictures with family members as you receive them.

You may receive periodic updates from your adoption agency or the orphanage. In these updates you will receive medical information on the child and possibly pictures. Keep family members abreast of new developments such as the child’s physical health, expected arrival and recent pictures.

5. Invite your family members to help you prepare for your child's impending arrival and first days home.

Some family members may be interested in helping you prepare for your child’s arrival and assisting you once the child is home. Explore some of the ways in which family members can help you prepare for your child's arrival You may like some help shopping (or having a baby shower), setting up the nursery, assembling baby gear or baby proofing your home. Once your child is home, you may need someone to help you with babysitting or housekeeping. Make arrangements ahead of time with willing family members.

6. Celebrate with family members once your child is home and settled.

There are several ways to celebrate your child's arrival in your home. Some families choose to celebrate by having a party in their child’s honor, while others choose to have a smaller, more intimate get together allowing family members a little bit more one on one time with the child. Whatever you choose, it is not about the size of the celebration that matters. What is important is that your family is able to share with you in all of the excitement of your child's arrival and meet him or her for the first time.

7. Continue to involve your family members in your child's life as they grow and develop.

There is no greater gift than to have a place in a child's heart. Allow family members the opportunity to share their love with your child by making a conscious effort to include them in his or her life. BBQs, birthday parties and outings to a park or museum are just a few ideas of ways to get together and enjoy your child with your family. Ask your family members for their suggestions on ways in which they can enjoy spending time with your child.

Tips:

• Adoption, while typically a smooth process, can be unpredictable. Changes in state or country guidelines may alter your adoption plans. Explain to family members that while you have a general idea of how your adoption journey may progress, nothing is for certain. Inform them that they should expect there to be occasional deviations from your initial plans. Ask for their support and understanding of such changes during the process.



• Encourage your family members to learn more about adoption by sharing adoption resources. Books can be valuable tools to help supplement your discussions.

Caution:

• If you don't want the "whole world" to know your adoption plans or the details of your child's adoption story, let your family members know. There is a general tendency for people to share good news with others. The excitement of a new cousin, grandchild, niece or nephew may be a lot for some family members to contain. Let them know what information you consider to be private (i.e., details about the birth family, adoption costs, etc.) and what information is open for sharing with others (i.e., the child's gender, name, etc.).

Related Links:

Article: "The Announcement"
AdoptionShop.com Books

Author: Mandy Starr
© Adoption Media, LLC