What do you do if you have family members or friends who are not supportive of your decision to adopt? This can be really tough. On the one hand, you love your family and friends and really want them to approve of the choices that you make. On the other hand, you already love this child you are hoping to adopt. How do you handle the conflict?

As I mentioned in my last post, I had to deal with this issue with my grandparents. I was surprised and hurt by their reaction to our announcement that we planned to adopt. Fortunately, my husband was able to see into their motivation, which helped me to develop a little more patience with them. He pointed out that they had hoped to see the next generation of their family grow through our giving birth to a baby – that’s the expectation of most families. In addition, my father was their “golden boy,” and I physically resemble him more than any of their other grandchildren do. My father passed away when I was a teenager, and my grandparents never recovered from this loss. It makes sense that they had looked forward to meeting my father’s biological grandchild, especially if there was any chance of that child physically resembling my father. This was not going to happen through an adopted child.

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I decided to cut them some slack and educate them about adoption to the extent they were willing to hear about it. I also decided that I would not allow them to treat my child badly if they did not accept him as my son. I would not know until the child joined our family how they would feel about him. There is a big difference between a theoretical “stranger’s child” and a beautiful baby who you are holding in your arms. Fortunately for us, my grandparents embraced our son as their great-grandchild. What would I have done if things had worked out differently? I’ll discuss that in my next post.

Related Links:

• Adoption Grief


• Surviving the Wait: Grieving Your Losses