You cannot go through life without making decisions that others will not agree with. It is not possible to please all of the people all of the time. For some decisions, the fallout might not matter that much. When it comes to adopting, the way you handle the situation is CRUCIAL to the well-being of your child. If you want your child to be okay with his adoption, then you need to model that you are okay with it and that you will not tolerate others NOT being okay with it in your child’s presence.
You do not have the power to “force” the people in your life to like the fact that you are adopting. You do have the power to insist that they treat your child respectfully and as a member of your family. You have the power to demand that your child be shown the same respect as any other child in your extended family, such as receiving birthday cards and Christmas presents and being included in family photographs. If your extended family refuses to treat your child as a member of the family, then they are making the choice to no longer interact with you. In most families, relatives who are faced with the choice of either (1) being respectful to your child, or (2) losing their relationship with you, will step up and behave politely. If they are not willing to do this, you owe it to your child to remove your nuclear family from those dynamics.
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