From How to Survive Mother's Day (Top Ten List)...

6. Brainstorm coping strategies for when you are blindsided.

Now is the time to brainstorm coping strategies – before you are blindsided with the pain of Mother’s Day. When the pain of your infertility and/or unmet need to parent is triggered, you do not have time to think about the best way to respond; you simply react to the pain. This is why you need to brainstorm how to handle these moments now, before you are in that position.

In my Surviving the Wait series, I talked about the importance of achieving balance in your life. When you are in a lot of pain in one area of your life, it is easy to buy into the “kitchen sink” mentality that every single aspect of your life is terrible. It is through putting this pain in perspective that you find a way to pull through. This is more than just “appreciating what you have” (a cliché that offered me NO comfort during my own waiting period). Achieving balance means being able to see all parts of your life and tapping into the good to get you through the bad.

Each of us has a body, soul, and spirit. All three of these parts need to be nurtured. When we are struggling emotionally, it is easy to focus on our souls (our emotional selves) and ignore, or even harm, our bodies and souls. The best coping strategies I have found are those that nurture all three parts of myself.

Here are some of the coping strategies that I use to bring my life back into balance when I am blindsided with emotional pain:

• Calling a friend


• Doing yoga and meditation (See Surviving the Wait: Learning How to “Be” to read about the benefits of yoga and meditation.)


• Exercising


• Playing computer games


• Playing the piano


• Putting together puzzles


• Solving a crossword or Sudoku puzzle


• Taking a walk in nature (such as in the woods or along the beach)

All of these activities shift your focus to the needs of your body or spirit (or both, in some cases). For example, taking a walk in nature is a wonderful way to nurture your body, soul, and spirit. Your body gets exercise and produces endorphins, which make you feel better emotionally, while your spirit soaks up the positive energy of the world around you. Solving a crossword puzzle engages the logical side of your brain, which helps ease your emotions. Meanwhile, your body gets to rest.

These are the things that work for me. Your list will probably be different. Try brainstorming your own list of coping strategies to ease your pain when it hits. Then, you will have a game plan the next time you are blindsided.

Related Topics:

• Top Ten List: Surviving Mother’s Day



• Surviving Mother’s Day Series


• Surviving the Wait: Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day



• Mother's Day Hard All Around