From How to Survive Mother's Day (Top Ten List)...

9. Spend quality time with your spouse.

Infertility and the adoption process can take a toll on a marriage. Spending time nurturing your relationship with your spouse is very important as you wait for your child to join your family. Parenting is hard work, so the stronger the foundation is for your marriage, the stronger your family will be when a child joins it. You are asking a woman to entrust you with raising her child. You owe it to the birthmother, and especially the child, to have a strong family waiting.

Your spouse is in pain, too, even if he does not tell you this. My husband was stoic about the adoption experience other than to express occasional frustration here and there. I really did not believe that it mattered as much to him that we adopt a baby. I did not know how wrong I was until he wept while holding our son in his arms for the first time. My husband is “macho” and very rarely cries. For him to shed tears over this little baby spoke volumes about his own pain as we waited to become parents. I asked his parents later why my husband never told me how he felt. They said that he wanted to be strong for me. If the adoption fell through, he did not want me worrying about him.

What did you and your spouse used to do for fun when you were dating or in the early years of your marriage? Do those things again. If you live near where you fell in love, pay your favorite places from the early days a visit. There is something powerful about returning to the place(s) where you fell in love: it reminds you why you fell in love in the first place. Recapture the romance, and remember why you chose this man to be your life partner in the first place.

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