Infant adoption, child adoption, domestic adoption - Naming Your Child: Older Children

06/08/07

Naming Your Child: Older Children

Posted by : Faith Allen in Hoping to Adopt Blog at 05:57 am , 420 words, 114 views
Categories: Naming Child

One controversial area of naming your child really surprised me – naming your older adopted child. I just assumed that when people adopted a child who was old enough to talk and identify himself by name, the child kept his name. Apparently that is not the case in many families. See the links under "Related Topics" at the bottom of this post for further discussion of this issue.

The reason I always assumed that a child would keep his name is because he already identifies himself by that name. I could see where it would be confusing to have lived for 5 or 6 years with the name Bob and then suddenly have everyone calling you Fred. If you identify with the name Bob, it seems like it would be hard to have the name Fred “forced” upon you.

That being said, there are situations in which it might be best to change an older adopted child’s name. For example, if you adopt a child internationally whose name is very difficult to pronounce in English, it might be easier on the child to adjust to a new name rather than have to struggle with hearing his name butchered each time anyone tries to address him.

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I could also see where an abused child might want to shed the name given to him by abusive birthparents, especially if he was named after his abuser (like John, Jr.). For a child whose birthfamily was abusive, there can be a lot of power in choosing a new name. In fact, I know many adult survivors of childhood abuse who choose to change their names in adulthood as a way of breaking free of the past. A new name can signify a new life – one that is no longer controlled by abuse.

If I were to adopt an older child, I would probably ask the child if he wanted to change his name and then talk with him about his reasons for wanting to change it. Unlike with adopting an infant, I believe that a child should have a say in what he is going to be called. If a child really wants to be called by his birth name and is old enough to tell you this, then I would be inclined to respect his wishes. I welcome any thoughts to the contrary.

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Comment from: John [Member]

The rule I was given before my first adoption was changing the first name is the same as playing with a bomb, not much upside but a really impressive downside. It is their most important possesion. Even if they say its ok to change it, it is still a dangerous adventure.

My four kept their first and middle names. I did offer to clean up the spelling of one name, he was always having to correct people. In the end he kept it the way it was. The one exception I can see is swaping the first and middle names where the child always goes by his middle name. With each child, they had the option of having their original last name as their second middle name. Two chose that, two wanted to get away from that name.

A few years ago, I met the 14 year old son of a friend, the boy had been adopted three years earlier. He introduced himself as "Hi, I'm David, I used to be Lance". John

Permalink 06/08/07 @ 16:25