When my husband and I were considering baby names, we never once thought about inviting an expecting mother’s input into the process. If I had known that this was even an issue, I probably would have despaired of ever agreeing on a name since my husband and I could barely come up with a name between the two of us.

It was not until we met my son’s expecting mother face-to-face that I even thought about how she might feel about the baby’s name. Up until that time, the agency stressed that the expecting mother could name the baby whatever she wanted. When we were issued a new birth certificate, our names would be listed as the parents, and the child’s name would be the one we selected. So, I never thought about bringing the expecting mother into the decision-making process.

When we met my son’s then-expecting mother in preparation for a semi-open adoption, she was the one to bring up the topic of names. She said that it was very important to her that the baby have a name on his original birth certificate. She did not want his name to read “Baby Boy.” She also did not want him named after his expecting father. So, she said that if we would tell her the name that we had chosen, then she would put that name on the baby’s original birth certificate.

I almost cried when she said those words because, up until this meeting, I had all sorts of insecurities and fears about expecting mothers and birthmothers. Her offer to do this was so incredibly generous and helped me to see what an amazing and incredible woman she is. Fortunately, the name that we had chosen (Nicholas) was not the expecting father’s name, and she liked it. From what the social worker told me, my son’s birthmother was true to her word. If my son ever searches for his original birth certificate, he will see the same first name listed.

When we decided to adopt a second time, my husband suggested that, if we adopted a girl, perhaps we should use the expecting mother’s name as the child’s middle name. Since we wound up not adopting again, this became a non-issue, but I thought it was a good way to honor the birthmother. I wish I had thought about inviting my son’s then-expecting mother to participate in the process of selecting a name. It really never crossed my mind to do this, but I think it would have sent her a very positive message about how we valued her role in our family.

What if you are entering into a fully open adoption and the expecting mother would like some input? I will talk about that in my next post.

Related Topics from Expecting Mother/Birthmother Perspective:

• Dealing with the Name Change



• More on Baby Names



• Baby Names




• The Name Game



• Naming Your Baby




• Naming your baby (different post with same name)

Related Topics:

• Dealing with the Name Change



• Open adoption and open emotions: Birth Day




• How to Negotiate Names for the Baby