Infant adoption, child adoption, domestic adoption

06/18/07

Nesting: Baby Showers

Posted by : Faith Allen in Hoping to Adopt Blog at 03:04 pm , 343 words, 161 views
Categories: Nesting

One surreal part of nesting for an adoptive mother is having a baby shower. Attending baby showers was emotionally painful for me while waiting to become a parent. Then, with one phone call matching me with a placing mother, I was suddenly the guest of honor, receiving baby presents while sitting there with my “flat tummy.” It was bizarre.

An adoptive mother friend of mine feared that she would never have a baby shower because she might not have enough notice about a match to put one together. I assured her that she would have that baby shower, regardless of when she was matched. Sure enough, her match happened very fast, so there was no time to have a baby shower before she met her son.

And guess what? Her baby shower wound up being one of the most fun showers that I have ever attended because it was all about the baby. Most baby showers play games that are about the mother. At my friend’s baby shower, people were fighting over who could hold the baby next. My friend took pictures of the baby with his new gifts. It was a very special time. Your shower does not have to take place before the baby’s birth to be special.

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My friends threw me two baby showers after I was matched with a placing mother. I had mixed feelings about the showers. On the one hand, I was excited to be preparing for the baby’s arrival. I had waited a very long time to be the guest of honor at a baby shower, so the event helped to make the baby’s arrival seem more real.

However, a part of me feared that the adoption could fall through and I would be left with a bunch of presents but no baby. I regretted not being able to throw myself into the showers wholeheartedly. Instead, the experience elicited hope tinged by grief.

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: colgoo [Member]

I think it's best to wait until after placement. I had several friends offer to host a shower for my daughter, but I thought it best to wait until we got home with her. I had several friends who lent me newborn baby items so that I wasn't stuck without anything for the first month of her life. (And of course we bought some stuff, too! We couldn't resist!)

When we did have the shower, we were overwhelmed by the show of support. Not only did I have 70 women show up to my shower for church friends, but the library I had worked at threw a shower and my husband's co-workers chipped in for a sizable gift certificate. Of course it was even more real for everyone, because she was there. Also, in looking back, I think it showed respect to our daughter's birth family that we respected that they might change their minds after her birth.

Permalink 07/20/07 @ 07:20

Comment from: Faith Allen [Member]

· http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/

I agree with you. I did have my baby showers beforehand, but I was unable to enjoy them because I did not know whether this would be my "forever child" or not. I threw a baby shower for a friend after placement, and it was a much more relaxed atmosphere.

Thanks for your comment.

- Faith

Permalink 07/20/07 @ 07:44

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