Storkmom, a member of the adoption.com forums, generously gave me permission to repost something she wrote a couple of weeks ago about her family's semi-open adoption experience. Part 1 of her story is here.

I think it's important to show all perspectives of adoption. What "open" means to one family is not the same as what "open" means to another. In this family's case, the adoption is semi-open, chosen by Storkmom's son's birthmother. I find it interesting that in this part of her story she says that their agreement is not in writing. I wonder how common it is not to have the "openness" of the relationship in writing and if it is in writing, how enforceable it is.

Here's part 2:



We don't have anything in writing about our arrangement, so I just am guided by what I would want, if I were a birthmom, and I hope it is enough for her. I sent photos and letters to the agency on a monthly basis. Recently, we had a big scare when Baby A had an allergic reaction. I called the agency, they were able to get in touch with his birthmom and ask about family allergy history. I felt SO reassured that I could get in touch with her for emergency medical information!

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In the future, if he has questions, we hope she'll be able to talk to him. If we have another medical emergency, we hope she can always be in contact. We know she likes to receive updates on how he is doing, and that it helps her TREMENDOUSLY to know he is very happy, and we are very happy, and he is doing really well in this family she chose for him.

We now have other adoptive family friends who have a variety of situations. I find myself envious of one friend in particular - they have a very open relationship with their daughter's birthparents. They email each other, meet a couple of times a year so she can have contact with her birthgrandma, birthmom and birthdad and brother. So far, everyone seems to feel better about things, knowing they can always ask a question rather than sit around and wonder about the other side.......

Talking with our caseworker really opened our eyes about the benefits of having an open relationship for ALL involved. In fact, I think it may help many birthparents stand firm in their decision to place, knowing they'll have contact in the future.

That being said, you can always start out with what you're comfortable with. If things work well and you really click w/ the birthfamily, you can always move to more opennes if they desire it too.

Just don't commit to more than you are willing to do! It is extremely important to uphold your end of the arrangement - for what it means to your child and also what it will mean to his or her birthparent(s).