In Jenna’s gem of a post entitled Faith and Adoption: Why Do Christian Girls End Up Pregnant?, she explores her conflicting feelings that arose out of being a birthmother. On the one hand, she is sometimes embarrassed about having been “pregnant out of wedlock.” On the other hand, if she had not gone through this experience, her “munchkin” [birthchild] would not exist, and she clearly loves her “munchkin” deeply.

Jenna’s post got me thinking about my own experiences as an infertile woman and adoptive mother. When I was going through the infertility and adoption processes, experiencing deep emotional pain month after month for 4-1/2 years, I defined the experience as “bad.” I yearned to be a mother, but motherhood eluded me for a very long time. That was a very dark period of my life, which is one reason I feel so passionate about encouraging women who are in that dark place today.

SPONSOR

inCalifornia Want to adopt? Pregnant? click here

If my son had been born sooner, many of the good things in my life would be different. For example, I met many of my closest friends because we have children who are the same age. That thought is mind-boggling, too.

My experiences have not changed, but my feelings about those experiences have. I spent some time pondering why I feel differently, and I realized the following truth: It is not our experiences themselves, but our reactions to those experiences, that define who we are. Wow, that is deep, and it is an epiphany that I hope to carry with me into the next challenge that life throws my way.

How does this concept apply to a hopeful adoptive parent? If you can truly embrace this truth, then you can take back your power during this waiting period. Your view of the quality of your life does not have to shift with your circumstances. You can choose to be miserable until your child enters your life, or you can choose to see this time as something you must experience that is leading you to your child. Can you see the difference?

I chose to be miserable during my quest for motherhood, and that was no fun – neither for me nor the people in my life. You can learn from my mistakes and not “waste” this time being miserable 24/7.

I am not discounting the importance of expressing your emotions as you have them. You need to grieve, express your anger, and work through every other emotion that arises as you wait for your child. The difference is that these emotions do not have to define you. You have the power to interpret your experiences and to define who you are. For a control freak like me, that’s an empowering realization.

Related Topics:

• The emotions of adoption



• Bottling Up Emotions



• Emotions of Adoption Series