My husband and I just found out that we were NOT selected for the sibling group we were SO hoping we'd get matched with...the one we mentioned in a prior post that actually SAID he wanted us to adopt him.

I will never know the reason why, and it just KILLS me wondering what the chosen family had, knew, etc better than me.

As a hopeful adoptive parent, this is the worst thing you can hear. It's not like looking at Adopt US Kids and the child you've been dreaming of before you're ready to start the process gets matched.

This is real. The chance was real. The pain of "losing them" is real.

Losing them, you ask? You bet. Although it is NOT loss on the level of say having a stillborn, losing a born baby/child, or having a miscarriage, it still is a loss.

Our heart was already devoted to these children. We were planning rooms around them. Getting toys according to what they liked in their profile.

Sure, they're only one group out of 14 we've been submitted for, and only 2 of the 14 we were submitted for that have been approved for adoption.

Next week, I may very well be posting you an "OH MY GOD, we got MATCHED" post for another child.

But, while the emotion and thought is real, I just felt duty bound to share this experience with you.

It feels like my heart has been ripped out and stomped into a million pieces. It makes me feel like my family is "second best".

But, I just have to remember...I've got to keep remembering...God said "no" to my family...He knows "OUR" kids are out there somewhere.

If nothing else, maybe sweet little R, the oldest of the 4 who I really loved at the skating party, will remember how to do the YMCA song I taught him, and pass it along to his children later in life...maybe that was the whole reason of meeting them.

Until Tonight,
Storm