“Parent” versus “Adoptive Parent”

Unless the term “adoptive parent” is necessary for clarification (such as when you are talking about members of the adoption triad), “parent” is the appropriate title to use for an adoptive parent. I am my son’s mother. I should not be introduced to his friends as his “adoptive mother.” The fact that I became his mother through adoption is irrelevant in the context of his day-to-day life.

The media is notorious for qualifying relationships as adoptive even when the fact that a person was adopted is not relevant to the story. How many times have we been reminded that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman adopted their two children? How is the information that the children were adopted relevant in a story about Tom and Nicole splitting up? I have seen news articles about the passing of a celebrity in which his two “adopted children,” who were in their fifties, attended the funeral. Why is the fact that these people were adopted 50+ years ago relevant to the story of attending their father’s funeral?

Inserting the word “adoptive” when it is not relevant to a discussion continues the misperception that a child who joins a family through adoption is not as much a part of a family as one who is born into it. That is simply not true. Adoptive families have the same parent-child relationships that any other families have, and they should be treated as such.

“International Adoption” versus “Foreign Adoption”

The word “international” means “involving two or more nations.” The term “international adoption” factually describes what is happening – two countries are involved in the adoption process. The adoption must comply with two sets of laws from two different countries. This term is factual without carrying any negative undertones.

The word “foreign” means “strange” or “unfamiliar.” This word implies that there is something strange about the adoption which, in turn, implies that there is something strange about the child. There is nothing strange or unfamiliar about parents from one country choosing to love a child who was born in another country.