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On my post, Negotiating Contact with Birthfamily after Adoption, John posted the following comment:
In older child adoption you get some family tree info buried in the record. If you want contact with the birthfamily you can use the phone to try a 411 call to that name in that city. A thought for families doing infant adoption where it will be closed or almost closed. Ask the birthmother for family tree information, this will give the child a greater sense of who he is, and it is a starting point if more contact is desired. John
In some closed adoptions, the adoptive family is provided no information whatsoever. In some cases, there is not much information that could be provided, but, in others, that information is not passed along for various reasons. Even in a semi-open adoption, the information you are provided might be limited.
I think John’s suggestion to ask for family tree information is a good idea. I do not have that information for my son in our semi-open adoption other than his birthparents’ first names. I do know some anecdotal information about his birthparents’ history together, so I do have at least a little information to give my son a greater sense of who is he. The most important information I have is information about their love of the outdoors, which my son definitely inherited from them.
An expecting mother who does not want to be contacted might be reluctant to provide you with family tree information, but it cannot hurt to ask if she would be open to the suggestion. It would be nice information for your child to have and can also help your child later in life if he chooses to search for his birthfamily.
When we were going through the adoption process, it never occurred to me to ask for this information. I saw my son’s family tree as being my own, so why would he need this information? However, in hindsight, it would have been nice to have this information in case my son ever had questions that a birthfamily tree could answer. This would be information available if he was interested but could just stay tucked away otherwise.
At the very least, try to find out as much medical history information as you can, even if the adoption will be closed. You never know when that information might come in handy. I have to fill out forms regularly about my son’s birthfamily’s health history, and I really do not know that much. This information can be helpful to your doctor if a health issue arises in the future.
Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt
We provided Munchkin & her family with our entire lineage but she doesn’t have her paternal info past her biological father’s parents. I wish she had that, too!!