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Once the home study was approved and the life book was completed, there was nothing to do except wait…and wait…and wait. I am the type of person who needs to be “doing.” Doing NOTHING makes me absolutely CRAZED. I limited myself to checking in with the social worker on a monthly basis – I wanted to call her every other day. The updates were always the same – “We have a few placing mothers going through the program…It will happen when the time is right…” This wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that a placing mother had chosen us and that I would finally be a mother. But that was not going to happen for another 17 months.
The wait was so incredibly hard that I cannot even put it into words. After months of scrambling to line up references, medical exams, and home study appointments, I was left with nothing to do except to wait for “the” call. Month after month, that call did not come. I struggled on and off with depression as I watched my two nephews grow older and many of my friends have their second children. I was the only wife left at the table with the husbands as all of the other wives tended to their children. After hanging out with friends and listening to the pitter-patter of their children’s feet, I would return home to the empty silence of my own home. The silence was absolutely deafening.
One day, I heard some very good advice. Somebody had called into a talk radio show seeking help for her depression. The talk radio host asked, “What have you done for someone else lately?” She went on to say that the best way to pull yourself out of a depression is to take the focus off of your own pain by doing something of value to help another person. I thought it was worth a shot, so I signed up to be a mentor at a local middle school. I was matched with a very shy 13-year-old girl. Week after week, I met her for lunch and learned more than I ever cared to know about the Spice Girls and “Dawson’s Creek.” But you know what? That talk radio host was right. It DID help. That 13-year-old girl is now a grown woman and one of my best “pen pals.” She has thanked me many times for investing in her life in the way that I did.
I also got involved with the children at my church. The church had a great nursery program and Youth program but nothing geared toward the elementary years. I worked with several of the parents to start up the church’s first elementary program. This was during the Y2K hype, so we named the program “K2Y” for Kindergarten to Youth.
I realized that this waiting time was going to pass whether I spent that time crying or investing in helping others. I chose to help others. While it did not stop me from crying altogether, I did cry a little less.
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Have you seen any issues that you would like to hear about further? Please let me know what areas of “Hoping to Adopt” are of particular interest to you. When I finish sharing my story, we can talk about those issues first. You can leave a reply here or e-mail me at hopetoadoptblogger@adoptionmail.com.
