In one word, I can sum up all that you need to know to make the wait survivable. That word is BALANCE. Balance is the secret to finding joy and peace even in the midst of difficult times.

Think about the most unhappy person in your life. (It might be you!) I guarantee you that the person you are envisioning does not lead a balanced life. Perhaps he works too much, or maybe he is unemployed. Perhaps she stays focused on a future event that will change her life for the better; perhaps she is pining for days gone by. Unhappy people generally keep all of their focus on one aspect of their lives and fail to appreciate the other parts of their lives that are not so bad.

People with balanced lives are able to live contented lives despite whatever they are struggling with. This does not mean that every aspect of their lives is perfect; it just means that they have developed the ability to view their lives as a whole so that they can appreciate and enjoy the other aspects of their lives, even while they are in the midst of a painful situation.

I confess that I had no balance during my infertility and waiting to adopt years. None. I was completely OBSESSED with becoming a mother. That’s all I thought about and talked about. I was certain that my life would be HORRIBLE until I had a baby to love. People would tell me that I had so much to be grateful for, such as my husband, a good job, and good friends, but I would quickly dismiss these positive parts of my life. As long as I was not a mother, I was determined to be MISERABLE. That’s not a healthy way to live, and it did not make me particularly fun to be around.

By the time my son came into my life, I found a way to achieve a little balance in my life. This helped to make some of the waiting time a little less painful. I am gradually getting better about balancing my life, which is helping me to learn how to find contentment even when I am going through a difficult time. I would like to pass along the things that I have learned so that you do not burn as much energy being miserable as I did.

If I had read this blog during my waiting time, I probably would have reacted by thinking, “Yeah, right. She doesn’t know about MY situation.” This is my response: Have you ever met a physically disabled person who is contented with her life? I have. Have you ever met someone struggling with a serious illness who stayed positive? I have. Have you ever met someone who has been traumatized but chose to embrace life rather than become bitter? I have. All of these people had legitimate reasons to be miserable, but they chose not to be. How did they do it? By finding balance in their lives. Just because you cannot walk does not mean that your life has no value. Just because your body is fighting a disease does not mean that the relationships in your life no longer have meaning. Just because you were traumatized does not mean that life is not precious. No one thing that happens to you will completely derail your life unless you let it. As long as you have breath, you have hope.