e-mail
Let’s face it – none of us has had a perfect life. Some of us endured painful experiences as children. Others lost loved ones through death, divorce, or abandonment. Still others have suffered from physical or emotional issues. Nobody gets through life completely unscathed. That’s a reality of the human experience.
Once a child enters your life, the focus of your life becomes your child for a very long time. You no longer have the luxury of focusing exclusively on your own issues. When a child is screaming at 2:00 a.m. with an ear infection, your own personal issues have to go on the back burner. That’s also a reality of the human experience.
NOW is the time to work through your unresolved issues. Don’t wait until your life becomes more complicated. If you are already feeling lousy because you are waiting to become a parent, why not work through other issues that might feel lousy to talk about but will make you feel much better once they are healed?
If you are a survivor of childhood abuse, it is especially important that you work through your issues now. Statistically speaking, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men who are reading this blog were sexually abused as children. See Sex Abuse/Trauma: Statistics. People who have been sexually abused have specific issues to work through, especially during the early months and years of raising their children. The article Pregnancy to Parenting: a Guide for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse has a good summary of issues that you might encounter once you become a parent. Most of the article is devoted to issues during pregnancy, but skip down to the section entitled Early Parenting for information about issues that might arise when an abuse survivor becomes a parent.
If you are a survivor of childhood abuse, you are not alone. There are many WONDERFUL parents who were also abused as children, and their histories have not prevented them from becoming fabulous parents. That being said, most people who have suffered traumas in childhood will experience some issues when they become parents, especially when the child reaches the age that the parent was when the abuse occurred. You don’t have to work through these issues alone. There are many resources available, including self-help books, Internet sites, and message boards dedicated to helping people to heal from an abusive past. Additionally, a qualified therapist can do wonders to help you work through your past so that it won’t affect your future quite as much.
The best gift you can give your child is a healthier parent. No matter what your unresolved issues are, deal with them today. Don’t wait until they creep up on you: do the hard work of healing now so that you will be a healthier version of yourself when your child joins your family.
