Now that we have worked through the Top Ten List of ways to survive the wait, let’s focus on other areas of the waiting period that can be a struggle.

For those of us who desperately want to become parents, there are three time bombs built into our calendars. Those time bombs are called Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day. While the rest of the world is celebrating the joy of family, waiting parents are reminded in flashing neon that they are, once again, being left out in the cold. The time bombs are also evenly spaced to ensure blowing up your life in both late Spring and early Winter.

In her book Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them, Cindy Lewis Dake says:

If Christmas is hard because of its obvious family overtones, then [Mother’s Day and Father’s Day] are like bombs being dropped on your life. While everyone is celebrating the women who are mothers and the men that are fathers, you and your spouse feel severely cheated…again.

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I had the “pleasure” of enduring four Mother’s Days while I was waiting to become a mother. They never got any easier. Even after our home study was completed and we could be matched with a placing mother at any time, Mother’s Day felt as empty as during the infertility years because I was still not a mother. I wanted to stay under the covers all day and not get up until the day had passed. Going to church is usually a good thing for me, but I started skipping church on Mother’s Day after all mothers were asked to stand and be recognized, leaving me as the only thirty-something woman still seated in the sanctuary. No question about it – Mother’s Day is tough when you desperately want to become a mother.

Ms. Dake’s book provides good advice for getting through the holidays. We will discuss her tips in detail as these holidays roll around. In the meantime, here are her survival tips for getting through these holidays. I know that none of these holidays are around the corner just yet, but reading these survival tips now – while you are not in the midst of the pain of an upcoming holiday – might help you to see the tips a little more objectively and prepare for these painful times in advance.

Surviving Christmas

1. Focus on the spiritual meaning of Christmas.


2. Write down your childhood Christmas memories.


3. Give a part of yourself to others at Christmas.


4. Help an unfortunate child have a better Christmas.


5. Create memories with a special child in your life.


6. Limit your social engagements.

Surviving Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

1. Turn your focus to your parents and others.


2. Avoid the prefab greeting cards.


3. Don’t give up on church altogether.

We will return to this topic in May when Mother’s Day rolls around. For now, just keep these tips in the back of your mind and know that we will put together a game plan for you to get through these holidays this year.