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Christmas isn’t the only holiday that can rock you while you are waiting to adopt your child. Other holidays can also knock you for a loop. A big one for me was always Halloween. I would see these adorable little children toddle up to my front door and say “tick-a-tee” for “trick or treat,” and my eyes would well up with tears. I so desperately longed to celebrate Halloween with my own child. Other holidays can trigger your grief as well, such as Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Thanksgiving, depending upon your own personal history with and meaning for each holiday.
In her book Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them, Cindy Lewis Dake says:
The tendency is to look at any holiday and say, “Here’s another _____ and still I have no children to share it with. This time last year, I thought for sure we’d be parents by the time _____ rolled around again.”
The key is to find a way to experience these holidays without focusing on how [not being a parent] is ruining it for you.
I speak from experience – it is VERY hard to stop your grief from ruining your holidays. What helped me the most was celebrating the holidays with my nephews. When I took my nephews trick-or-treating, I got to experience the holiday through their eyes. Yes, I still carried sadness inside of myself, but I also found pleasure in experiencing the wonder of the holidays through their eyes.
If you don’t have a niece or nephew, is there any child in your life who is special to you? If so, ask the parents if you can do something special with the child for each holiday. This can be as simple as sending the child an Easter basket or some Valentine’s candy. Perhaps you can go trick-or-treating along with the child or take the child to your neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt.
If you don’t have a special child in your life, perhaps you can contact a local charity or your county’s foster care system and see if you can participate in an event with a child who could use a friend. There are children who are in desperate need of a mentor – an adult to make the child feel special. Helping a child to feel special on a holiday can help to ease your own pain.
