e-mail
Robyn gave a fantastic list of questions to ask potential agencies just yesterday. (Seriously, if you haven’t read through the list and printed it, please go check it out.) She hit on one question, about their services, that I thought needs to be expanded upon and given a ranking of Most Important Question to Ask. Here’s what I’d ask:
Do you provide post-adoption services to families? What is and is not provided? For how long are these services available to families?
I’m talking mainly about counseling for adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptees, mediation for problems in both the adoptive family (between older children and adoptive parents) and the open adoption relationship (between birth and adoptive parents) and even the existence of group counseling. There are various ways that these could be offered to your family.
But, first and foremost, if the answer to the first question (do you provide post-adoption services to families?) is no: run for the door. Immediately. If an agency can’t be bothered to offer you with any post-adoption services, then their only concern is about their bottom line and the Almighty Dollar amount attached to your transaction. Run as fast as you can.
The question of “what is and is not provided” is trickier to handle. The issue, of course, is that you can’t possibly know what you will need until you are living your new, post-adoption life. If we could predict when our children might need a counselor to discuss things with or what problems we will encounter in our open adoption relationships, life would be mighty easy, wouldn’t it? Instead, we’re often blind-sided by problems and unsure of where to turn. Counseling is great but sometimes mediation is necessary. And while group counseling may not work for one of you, it may work for someone else in your family unit. In short, the more services available, the better.
And, finally, the biggest trick is how long these services are available to your family. Be wary of any agency who only offers you or the birth parents one year of services. The truth is that most problems don’t creep up until the honeymooning period has worn off. That can take up to a year or longer. In all reality, an agency should offer you an unlimited length of time to utilize their services. They should be willing to help families that they have helped create. If they are not, ask the reasons as to why. If it comes down to the Almighty Dollar again, consider finding a new agency.
I know as you are waiting to adopt, the last thing on your mind will be the potential issues that can arise after your child arrives home. However, post-adoption services can make or break adoptive parent-adoptee relationships and birth-and-adoptive parent relationships. If you’re not being offered such things, look elsewhere. There are great, ethical agencies out there that do want to help the lot of you succeed. Find them!
