Infant adoption, child adoption, domestic adoption - Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child

04/18/07

Top Ten List: Adopting an Abused Child

Posted by : Faith Allen in Hoping to Adopt Blog at 03:30 pm , 467 words, 320 views
Categories: Abused Children

In honor of April being Child Abuse Awareness Month, I have put together this series on adopting an abused child. Child abuse is an epidemic in Western society. According to the All About Counseling website, roughly 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 to 7 boys are sexually abused. These are just the statistics for sexual abuse. Factor in the number of children who endure physical abuse, neglect, and emotional abuse, and the numbers are staggering.

Our foster care system is filled with children who have endured all sorts of unspeakable traumas. When you look at the websites for children in the foster care system who are available for adoption, you repeatedly see “emotional special needs” listed beside the child’s picture. If you did not grow up in an abusive environment or have some sort of connection with someone who did, you might not understand what is different about parenting a child with emotional special needs.

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I am an adult survivor of childhood abuse. My sister and I reacted to the abuse in very different ways, and yet both of our reactions were neon-sign level red flags that, unfortunately, did not result in our being rescued from our situation. In adulthood, we have both done a lot of work to heal from the emotional trauma, and our children are now growing up in a much different environment than we experienced as children.

Because I was an abused child, I understand how abused children think, act, and react to the world around them. This series is to give you a glimpse into the mind of an abused child. You need to understand how your child processes the world around him so that you can help to meet his emotional needs and have the patience to ride out the difficult times.

Here are the Top Ten things you need to know about abused children before adopting them. I will elaborate on each point in separate posts:

No matter how much you love a child, he must choose to receive that love in order to heal.

Just because you are trustworthy does not mean that a child will choose to trust you.

When the child rejects you, he is really rejecting himself.

Doing well in school does not mean that there are no emotional issues from an abusive past.

Your child needs you to hear his story in his own time.

Your child needs your help in identifying and dismantling triggers.

You can help soothe a child through flashbacks.

Repressed memories are not the same thing as “forgotten” experiences.

Abuse experienced by a pre-verbal child affects the child.

Puberty can trigger very painful emotions.

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: John [Member]

Faith, I am amazed that sexual abuse in boys was only 1 in 5 to 7, in my limited experience it would seem more like 1 in 3. Perhaps they include a lot of really young kids which would skew the ratio.

Again, you have come up with a great series. John

Permalink 04/18/07 @ 18:42

Comment from: Faith Allen [Member]

· http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/

John,

Thanks for the compliment. :0)

As for the statistics, I have consistently seen the numbers reported at 1 in 6 to 1 in 7 for boys. I have inquired about how these statistics are determined. Apparently, they are the results of polling X number of adults about their childhood experiences. I suspect that many men are not willing to admit to being sexually abused in these polls. To confess sexual abuse by a man can make him worry about people viewing him as a homosexual, and being sexually abused by a woman can be even more difficult for a man to discuss for a number of reasons, including the fact that society still refuses to accept that women sexually abuse children, too.

What's interesting to me is that I, like you, tend to think these numbers are conservative, whereas many people are shocked that the numbers are so high. In my opinion, child abuse is an epidemic, and yet we, as a society, continue to stick our heads in the sand. Child abuse is the root cause of numerous issues, including eating disorders, addictions, self-injury, suicides, and a whole host of other behaviors. It is easier for society to deny that abuse is this prevalent than to actually try to combat the problem. I am so glad that April is National Child Abuse Awareness and Prevention month because people need to hear about these issues.

I know that I am preaching to the choir here, but this might be new information for many readers.

Take care,

- Faith

Permalink 04/18/07 @ 19:16

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