Hey -
read this: "Treat adoption as a small deal" - an article by John Rosemond in the Wichita Eagle.

Rosemond argues that if you don't make adoption a BIG DEAL to kids, then it won't become a big deal to them later.

Logical, no?

Well, errrrmmmm, here's how he puts that reasonable hypothesis into action:

I am not, by the way, advocating that adopted children not be informed. I simply believe they should not be told until it is either necessary or they are old enough to truly comprehend the implications, ask intelligent questions, and participate in a rational discussion of what it means.

But how old is that? 5? 8? 10?

How about when Little J was just 3 (and had really just started to talk) and he asked me what it was like when he was in my tummy? What was I supposed to do at that point, lie? Pretend like he hadn't said anything? Lalalalala why don't we listen to some Raffi? Were we supposed to not show him pictures of him in the orphanage? Or not read him books like my book, When I Met You: A Story of Russian Adoption, so he'd not understand how special and unique his story was?

It's part of his life story that he was adopted. And by waiting to talk about that part of his life story until he's "old enough to truly comprehend the implications" we would have basically been denying the truth.

To me, denying the truth=lying.

I kind of get what Rosemond is saying. He has a point about adoption overkill:

I am convinced that many of the standard recommendations dispensed by so-called "adoption experts" are silly, pointless, and even counterproductive.

These include repeatedly telling the child in question, before he's even able to talk, that he is adopted, referring to the adoption at every possible opportunity, singing "you're adopted" songs to the child when he's a baby, and the like.

I get that. I think and write and read about adoption every day, but I don't talk to my son about it all the time. It's my job to think and write and read about adoption. It's Little J's job to learn and play. So in our house every day is not a festival of adoption.

But when it comes up, we talk about it even though he's only 4 and has a loose grasp on logic and isn't able to ask "intelligent questions" about his adoption. That's how it works in our house. Adoption is not a big deal around here, but neither is it a small deal. It simply is.

And what about the thousands of older children who were adopted, or the children who were adopted transracially? Is it really in the child's best interest to wait until they figure it out themselves or have questions about it or are in a situation with other people to wait to talk about it? Don't kids need to know the facts about their lives - to own the facts about their lives - before they get to the point where they have to ask?

What do you think?