Comments on: Treat adoption as a small deal?

By: Adrienne Bashista

Adrienne Bashista — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 16:06:45 +0000

Right on, ilysse!
I always think it’s so weird when people don’t tell their kids, or if they ask me if my son knows he’s adopted. That makes me sad that you thought your parents were aliens! (I have a really strange and irrational fear of being abducted, so I feel your pain!)

By: ilysse

ilysse — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 16:01:32 +0000

By not talking about it, you make it seem like there is something wrong with it. Why keep it a secret if it isn’t something to be ashamed of? As an adptee who found out by a ‘friend’ on the school bus I know how important it is to talk about. When I asked my mom why I was never told b4 she said because it wasn’t a big deal and I am their child. Well, thats all well and good but I had nightmares for a while after that of my A-parents being aliens or something (remember V?). All of a sudden, I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t know who they were.

Don’t make a big deal about it because that would take it too far in the other direction, but children should be aware that families are formed in many ways and this is the way ours was formd.

By: Laura Christianson

Laura Christianson — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 01:15:05 +0000

Rosemond should read "Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child," by Jayne Schooler. It's a superb book that addresses this very issue.

Like you, Adrienne, I think, write, and read about adoption all day long because it's my profession, but our home isn't a hotbed of adoption talk.

Adoption doesn't encompass my children's identities; it describes how they arrived in our family. We have discussed that with them from day one, and to them, being adopted is as normal and natural as being born into a family is for other kids).

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 03:22:26 +0000

I agree with you Adrienne. The kids should know about it from little on. My 6 year old knows that he is adopted along with his daddy and his little 3 year old brother. He has met daddy's birthmom (the lady who had daddy in her tummy) and of course grandma. He still does not know what all of this really means.

When I first started dating my husband I asked him when he found out he was adopted. He didn't know - he just always knew he was adopted. That is healthy.

I also agree that it should not be overkill.

By: Jan Baker

Jan Baker — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 01:59:31 +0000

I have seen Rosamond's advice on other issues, and mostly I don't care for his advice. I think he is 100% dead wrong with his adoption advice.

Actually, I find it funny that he is criticizing so called "adoption experts", and thinking he knows better. If the standard recommendations are talking about adoption sometimes, reading books, etc. - I think those are absolutely the right things to go.

Not telling until it is necessary? What if it never is till they are 25? Baaaad idea. Yep, I think his advice stinks!