It is human nature to compare a person’s knowledge, life and situation to our own and immediately come to the conclusion that we “would never do something like that”.
When talking about adoption, you cannot dismiss the role of the birth mom and her significance to the life of the child you are adopting. Many circumstances and roads lead to adoption. Many hard choices and decisions bring a person to the point in the road where adoption is chosen as the answer. This does not neglect the importance of the birth father. We are focusing on the birth mother.
There are different reasons why a child is placed for adoption. Let’s discuss the reasons and try to gain an understanding of the woman behind the title “birth mother”.
I live in abject poverty in my country. I have dreams for my child like every mother in the world. I look around me and I find myself in a helpless situation that I have no answer to. I have a magical love for the life growing inside of me and a fear that they will experience the life that I have experienced. I believe that adoption is the answer. Maybe my child can have a better start, a better chance! All I want my child to know is that I love them with an undying love!
My life has not been picture perfect. I have allowed circumstances and substances to take over my life. I have no idea how to get out of the cycle of abuse, neglect and poverty that has plagued my life. I desire to be a great mom! I want so badly to keep my child, but my circumstances are not conducive. My baby was taken away because of my inability to raise them. I hurt every day and I think of them every minute.
I was going to college. Young and full of aspiration. I did not consider what could happen. One night turned into a life changing decision. I cannot keep a baby, I am a child myself. What is the best decision? What will people think of me? No, I did not plan to start a family now. My life just doesn’t fit. It hurts me to let you go but I know you will have a better chance. I dream of meeting you again one day and hope that you know I really love you!
The “birth mother” comes from a variety of circumstances. Our compassion and our love for her is imperative. Our understanding of her love for her child is a requirement to raise her child. She is a precious person and a significant part of who your adopted child is. Open your heart to her pain and her need to be understood and remembered. When you look your blessing in the eyes, remember the one who chose life for that little one. Wow! Your life has changed by that act of love!
Written by: Karla Marie Williams founder of Family by Design ~ All Things Adoption www.familybydesignadoption.com