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The first topic we will discuss arises from this question, which was submitted by a reader:
How do you deal with annoying comments like “Why not just have another [child] of your own [rather than adopt]?” and, “Are you sure you’ll love them all [bio and adopted children] the same?”
If you have ever deviated from society’s “norm” in any respect, you have probably fielded comments from a buttinsky. There is just no pleasing some people. They believe that they know the “right way” of doing things, and they see any deviation from their ideas as an invitation to discuss (and criticize) your life.
I have developed a formula for shielding your family from your local buttinsky. The procedure is outlined below. Failure to adhere to each and every step forever waives your right to privacy from meddlers.
1. Get married.
2. Wait 2 years.
3. Conceive Baby #1.
4. Give birth to a healthy baby.
5. Wait 1.75 to 2.75 years.
6. Do you want another baby?
- If yes, go to step 7.
- If no, too bad. Only children are spoiled. Go to step 7.
7. Conceive Baby #2.
8. Give birth to a healthy baby.
9. Do you want another baby?
- If yes, go to step 10.
- If no, schedule a vasectomy.
10. Do you already have a boy?
- If yes, then you have enough children. Schedule a vasectomy.
- If no, go to step 11, but you BETTER make a boy this time.
11. Wait 1.75 to 2.75 years.
12. Conceive a boy.
13. Give birth to a healthy boy.
14. Schedule a vasectomy.
The fact that you are reading a “Hoping to Adopt” blog tells me that you have probably already violated the procedure, so you are now sentenced to handling meddlers for the rest of your life. Alas. The good news for you is that I have violated them, too, so I have lots to share about dealing with meddlers. I have actually violated several of the rules myself – I adopted, I added a child well after 2 years of marriage, and I chose to have an only child (who is NOT spoiled, by the way LOL).
There are ways to tactfully handle unsolicited comments about how you grow your family, and there are times in which a less tactful approach is appropriate. We will discuss how to do this over the next several blogs as well as develop some tools to help you to care about meddlers’ opinions a little less.
LOL – love the flow chart.
Thanks! I was pretty pleased with that myself.
- Faith
LOL – I laughed much at “the plan”. That is WAY too accurate, in my experience. (For what it’s worth, we ended up with three birthed children – boy, girl, girl. Boy, were people ticked when we chose to conceive #3 after we already had a boy AND a girl — I mean, come on!!…..then we got the vasectomy (as per your chart) – and then adopted several children. We deviated so far from the flow chart that we finally stopped getting so many comments! But, lucky us, we still do get our share. Thanks for making me laugh!
oh yes, how very accurate! However, since my sister who is 14 months older then me already had 5 kids by the time I got married I got the “when are you going to have kids”. and the “are you pregnant yet…?” when we weren’t even trying. Once we hit the 2 year mark is when strangers or ppl we hardly knew started to ask the questions.
Thanks for the comments! I like getting feedback.
My friend was ROFL over “the plan.” She said I should have added in that you must be in your mid-twenties before you marry. She was 22 and then had her first baby after 1.5 years — double whammy inviting lots of meddling.
- Faith
I told people that we would have children as soon as we could get them on E-Bay.
ROFL!! That’s a good one!!
- Faith
You know what, my mother thinks that life should follow “the plan” to the T. Well I fell off when I didnt marry who she wanted me to. But I did get married and now we are starting foster care and looking to adopt. So we arent having our own (due to infertility and not wanting to waste money and energy on fertility treatment), and man is she upset. Saying things like “this just isnt what I wanted for you.”
But after reading all these comments it makes me feel positive about our decisions and happy for our future. Its okay to deviate from “the Plan”. Thanks.