What I Thought I Knew

I came across a meme awhile ago and filed it away for when I had writer’s block. Apparently, now is that time.

Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child:

• I thought that parents went “baby shopping” at an orphanage or children’s home.
• I thought that adoption was easier, less painful, and more controllable than pregnancy.
• I thought that parents could just “sign up” to adopt. I didn’t realize that there was a process.
• I thought that adoption was awesome. (I still think that.)

Four things I learned since then:

• The baby shopping? Not so much. Adoption is about finding families for children, not finding children for families.


• Pregnancy and adoption are often compared, but I don’t think they’re really comparable.
• Adoption is a lifelong process.
• Although adoption is awesome, it would be more awesome if it were more ethical and better regulated.

Four silly things that people have said to me about adoption:

• “His birthmom should pay you for taking him.”
• “You should foster first, to see how you feel about having another person’s child.”
• “It must have taken you longer to bond with him.”
• “Just do foster/adopt. It’s free!”

Four things that are hard about adoption:

• Keeping in touch with Jack’s birthmother.
• Wanting another child, but not being able to start the process for economic reasons.
• Dealing with other people’s misconceptions.
• Trying to figure out where Jack and his peers are, developmentally, when it comes to understanding adoption.

Four ways my adopted child/placed child has surprised me:

• Jack has my smile.
• Some traits do seem to be genetic, like Jack’s love of math. Others aren’t so easy to determine. Both his birthmother and I love music and singing, and so does Jack. It’s always interesting to see what he does and try and figure out where it might come from.
• Jack really does seem to understand who S and his siblings are. He has no problem understanding the fact that his siblings don’t live with him.
• Jack does pay attention when I talk about adoption.

Four things I wish everyone knew about adoption:

• There are several different parties in adoption, and they’re all important.
• Birth parents aren’t usually going to come back and take the kid. (If I had $1 for every time I heard that!)
• There is no typical adoption. Adoptions are like snowflakes – no two are exactly alike.
• People adopt for all kinds of reasons, not just infertility.

So, that’s it. I think it may have cured my writer’s block. Tune in tomorrow to find out. Until then, would you care to share your thoughts?

Photo Credit.

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