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From the Urban Dictionary:
crunchy
Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc.
What brought this on? A friend of mine took a “How much of a crunchy mom are you?” Facebook quiz. The quiz focused on “Attachment Parenting”, which espouses breastfeeding, baby-wearing, bed sharing, and more. I started the quiz, but really couldn’t take it. Too many of the questions focused on labor and delivery.
Anyway, I am a little crunchy. I’m big on the environment. I don’t like to buy things new. I stay away from plastic and chemicals. We buy and eat organic as much as we can. There are people who are much, much crunchier parents than I am. Like my friend Annemarie, who received a perfect 100% score on the quiz.
It can actually be very difficult for parents who aren’t considered mainstream to adopt. Consider adopting from foster care. Bed sharing is a no-no. Breastfeeding your foster child is frowned upon. You must vaccinate according to the state’s schedule (unless the biological parents are opposed to vaccination too, in which case, you can’t vaccinate according to the state’s schedule). Whether you agree with Attachment Parenting or not, you can see the problems inherent in imposing someone else’s parenting style on your own.
Many “crunchy” parents are afraid to talk about their philosophies. Some are even wary of mentioning it to agencies, for fear that the agencies won’t accept them. More often, they’re afraid of telling the expectant parents. I’ve read many discussions about whether the prospective adoptive parents should tell the expectant parents that they plan to at least try to breastfeed. And what about co-sleeping? How much do the expectant parents need to know?
I don’t think anyone can answer that question for every situation. I think it’s wrong to outright hide your plans from expectant parents. However, I can’t say that my next adoption profile will advertise the fact that we plan to cloth diaper, wear the baby, and avoid vaccines. (When I told Jack’s birth mother that we were going to cloth diaper, she got a Mama Bear look on her face and threatened to kill me if I ever stuck him with a pin. True story.)
On the other side of the coin, I was involved in a conversation with a birth mother who practiced Attachment Parenting with her parented children. She somewhat regretted not placing her child with parents who shared the same philosophies. Because many non-mainstream parents are wary of exposing themselves, they might also miss out on finding an expectant mom who shares their feelings.
I say, don’t deny who you are. So maybe your “Dear Birthmother” letter doesn’t talk about co-sleeping, but your profile scrapbook includes a picture of a nursery that is notably absent a crib. If an idea, belief, or philosophy is central to who you are as a parent though, then yes, share it, even if it’s unpopular. That goes for parents on both sides of the triad.
