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A potential adoptive mother who was recently working on the profile that would be presented to mothers considering placement emailed me. Her question was simple and complex all at the same time.
Which pictures should I include in our profile? How many is too many? How many is too few?
While the answer seems like it should be simple, it’s not as simple as it seems. I can see where agencies disagree and waiting families get confused. Families who have already been through a successful adoption have anecdotal evidence that ranges from no pictures to full photo albums. How is a waiting family to make sense of all the different advice? What are the answers to these questions?
While every expectant mother considering placement will be different from every other birth mother and expectant mother, some visual representation of your family would be beneficial. If an agency tells you that no pictures are necessary, I would disagree. I’m sure that some adoptive parents will speak up and say that they successfully adopted, even in an open adoption, without pictures in their profile. I, however, disagree that this would be the best way to go when it comes to having your profile stick out.
So, how many pictures are too many? I don’t know. Again, as every mother is going to differ, the answer will differ. If she is more visual than me, maybe she wants a lot of pictures. For me, the accompanying letters and words were very important as well. Finding the balance is difficult but, obviously, do-able. Quite honestly, if your agency tries to limit the number of pages you are allowed to include, I’d ask them why. My daughter’s family had a full page of their letter (which included one picture of them on that page) and a whole other page of pictures of them, their family, their pets and, really, their life.
Some pictures you should include:
- Candid shots of you and your partner
- A formal shot of you and your partner
- Pictures of any/all children already in your family
- Pictures of grandparents
- Pictures of cousins, aunts uncles that live nearby
- Pictures of pets
You don’t need to include fancy pictures of you meeting the President, your huge house with a twelve car garage or a picture of the multiple degrees on your office wall. An expectant mother wants to see a happy family, to see a visual representation of love in your family. Smiles are necessary. Funny faces from children are also acceptable as it is hard to get them to smile when you want them to!
Go with your gut. If it feels like you’re not truly representing your family in picture form, a mother will pick up on that in an interview or meeting or two. Be true to yourselves with as few or as many pictures as that takes.
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Photo Credit.
Jack’s birthmom specifically noted three pictures from our profile:
- Our fish (she had one too)
- The room we had ready (she liked that there were toys in it)
- A group of kids playing basketball in the street
I felt a little nuts for taking pictures of a fish, but I’m glad I did. I’ve read in many places that you should never include the child’s room, but I thought that was silly. I mean, I’d want to know where my kid was going to sleep. The kids playing was just a random shot that happened to fit in the space.