In my last post, I posted a question I found at Chronicles of Munchkin Land, which asked:
What should exclude parents from adopting and/or can you still be a “good” parent/person after a big mistake? … So, what should automatically exclude someone from adopting?
I believe all adoptive parents worry that they won’t be chosen by a birth family, agency, or country for one reason or another. China now forbids obese people from adopting. Many countries and a few US states do not allow homosexuals to adopt. It’s difficult to impossible for a mother with a disability to be approved to adopt from Russia. Personally, I don’t think any of those are good reasons to deny prospective adoptive parents.
On the other hand, as I noted in my previous post, parents who have a history of child abuse allegations have been allowed to adopt. Allegations of child abuse are a lot worse than obesity, homosexuality, or disabilities.
Of course, “allegations” are just that – a claim of fact, not actual fact. Unfortunately, some people are wrongfully accused of abusing children, whether theirs or other people’s. Therefore, I wouldn’t automatically discount anyone who had charges brought against them. However, if those charges were never reasonably dropped, even if no arrest, conviction, or punishment took place, then yes, please, exclude those people from adopting.
I don’t think that a history of drug or alcohol abuse should necessarily exclude a person from adopting. Obviously, the prospective parent in question should no longer be abusing these substances, and should have undergone counseling to help ensure that it won’t happen again. I’m actually thinking of a good friend of mine from college. I wouldn’t be surprised if she used every illegal substance known to man. When her parents found out, they had her go to rehab, where a doctor diagnosed her with Lyme Disease. Once she found the legal medications to deal with that, she no longer found abusing illegal medications so enticing. I don’t believe her history, or her Lyme Disease, should exclude her from adopting. I think the perspective she can bring – a cautionary tale of sorts – would be useful for a child of the appropriate age.
I don’t think that having been imprisoned should necessarily exclude a person from adopting. What was the crime? To me, that’s the important question. There’s a huge difference between shoplifting and murder, after all.
My point is this: Adoption is full of gray areas. I’d rather see individuals examined more thoroughly than blanket statements issued.
Hi there! We adopted our son from the Philippines in 2008 and we applied a 2nd time this summer. On September 07, 2010 we were informed we were refused…due to my husband’s cancer 12 YEARS AGO! They were well aware of this cancer in our first file as well, but suddenly we were not good enough to parent another child from their country. That’s o.k. maybe there is a child in Vietnam waiting for us!
I guess I feel a little differently about home studies and what they should and shouldn’t weed out. I definitely think that there should be more clear cut standards placed that should allow for less “gray” areas. I do not believe that anyone who has even been accused of a crime against a child should be considered for adoption. This may seem harsh, but in this case, the child’s right’s need to take priority over the adoptive parent. As for criminal history, mental health and medical histories I think severity, how it was handled and how long ago it was needs to be considered with clear guidelines set for what is acceptable and what is not. I also feel that different adoptions call for different standards. If the birth parent(s) are chosing the family, it should be their choice whether or not they want a gay couple, person of a different ethnicity or obese person to be the adoptive parents. In terms of foster/adopt or adoption of an older child, guidelines need to be strict. These are children that may already have issues and need exceptional people in their lives. Unfortunately, as these children are the hardest to place, it would make it more difficult, but they deserve it. It is a shame because they are more difficult to place that standards may be relaxed just to get them out of the system. It should not be easy to adopt and homestudies should eliminate people from adopting. It’s not about fairness, it’s about placing children in the best possible homes.