e-mail
Robyn just posted a great write-up about an article that dives into the serious concerns regarding ethical adoption in the United States. Or, rather, the current state of unethical adoptions in the United States. The sad fact is that agencies and attorneys are not always acting in ethical manners or with the best interest of the expectant family in their mind. All too often, they’re more concerned with the final outcome, that being placement which puts more money in their pocket.
But why should you be concerned with how agencies are treating birth parents? I mean, as long as you, a hopeful adoptive family, act in an ethical manner and don’t attempt to buy or steal a baby, why does this issue even concern you?
Because it concerns your future children.
Eventually, you child will ask you questions concerning the adoption process. With technology as it is today, I can only imagine it will be ten times easier to research a topic in ten to twenty years. If your child sits down and searches for your particular adoption agency and finds a litany of complaints from birth parents, articles about how the agency acted unethically and immorally, and other stories about baby stealing, how will you respond? It’s true that if you act ethically, you’re kind of off the hook with regard to the questions asked. Perhaps you honestly didn’t know that the agency wasn’t on the up-and-up. Children, however, are not always concerned with what you didn’t know and more about why you didn’t know it. As an example, if you choose to adopt through an agency after an article like the one linked above was written, your child could say, “But here it is! In black and white! See the date? How’d you miss it?”
Of course, as adults we know that we can’t possibly read everything ever written on the subject of ethical and unethical adoption. Or even adoption in general! What we can do is educate ourselves to the best of our ability. As you continue to follow this path of adoption, seek out the information on the agencies and attorneys that you are considering working with; don’t just take them at their word! Don’t just believe the testimonies on their site! (They’re not going to put negative stories on their own site!) Ask other adoptive couples. Ask other birth parents. Print out all you can find. Weigh pros and cons. And continue to watch for those red flags.
The good news is that ethical adoption, even within the United States, is possible. Ethical adoption doesn’t always mean that the birth parents will always be at peace with their decision. Letting go of a child is a hard and lifelong process. It does mean, however, that laws were followed. It does mean that the birth parents were given all the information necessary to make an informed decision. It does mean that you both were counseled before and that counseling was made available for an indefinite amount of time after the adoption. It does mean that the birth father was involved in the process. It does mean that, open or closed, the families have come to an agreement and worked together to achieve the desired result. Ethical adoption is possible. It may take a bit longer than the other option. The ability to look your child in the eye and assure him that his adoption was 100% ethical will be the pay off for time well spent.
Research your agency today. Ask the questions. Demand the answers. Walk way if you need to.
I’m extremely concerned that the general population of prospective adoptive parents don’t already know about all the unethical coercive practices that continue???? And very shocked.